bah.. new journal

guess what? im moody! and im paranoid. and steve is a dick. what the hell else is new?

(will you fight the hand that feeds?)

i dont have an alter ego. i just cant. ill have an identity crisis. why do you think its so hard for me to pick out a fucking halloween costume? because i dont want to be anyone else.. i want to be me. thats it. whenever i come to the point where i have to pick something else, its the closest possible thing to me. long hair.. thin body.. green eyes.. those are the basics. i get bored with games where i cant at least try and resemble myself. yeah this is weird duh. most people WANT to be someone else, or look different or feel different. i dont.

(will you stay down on your knees?)

colors go depending on my mood. black is a core color. and so is green. red + blue go in and out.. white stays more often than not. oranges and yellows i dont like. purple is when i want to be bold. gray when i dont care. brown when i take my time.

(the sooner we realize, we cover ourselves in lives...)

i dont wish for anything, wishes are for people who have no hope. theres always hope, no matter how dark it gets. my life is hard. i dont wish for money or for love or for anything. sooner or later i cold have them, but i couldn't care less.

(i think i used to have a purpose...)

i dont belong to culture. im not part of society. only in the sense that i have a job, i go to college, and i pay bills am i. i cut myself off from it. because it is flawed, critically.

(everyday is exactly the same)

people worry about a million things. things that have been fine for days or weeks or years. why worry? you turn around and take for granted the very car you drive or the very ground you walk on, yet you worry about so and so or it? does anyone worry about our planet? or our gas prices? or crime? of course. there has to be SOMEONE. i mean mexican people mow our lawns because american people think they are better than that and shouldnt have to. do we take for granted the mexicans who do it? how about the electricity in our house or the hot water in our shower? did you forget about the clouds and the blue sky? of course you did.

(you finally found the place where you belong)

what about the millions of people starving around the world as we speak? did you know that every two seconds one person dies from starvation? did you know the rainforest holds 61% of the world's biological diveristy and we are losing one whole acre of it per second? can you imagine 60 aces of land gone? imagine your whole day... going to work and coming home.. school.. whatever.. and remember the acres just disapearring. its scary. every 5 minutes 2 unique species of life go extinct. like that. go to the bathroom.. make some soup.. 2 species... gone. forever.

(my world is getting smaller everyday, and its ok.)

...update tonight...